Releasing Things That Don’t Serve You
Is there something you are holding on to right now that you wish you weren’t? “Spring Cleaning” is a term we use when it comes to emptying closets, clearing away dust bunnies from behind the couch, and surrendering things we no longer use or need. In fact, we’ve covered how to clean and purge your closet here AND how to detach and let go of things here. But Spring Cleaning can also relate to an internal clearing, not just a physical one. Relationships, worry, anxiety, regret…these things can’t easily be swept away with a broom, but they are important to consider when it comes to a healthy mental space! Releasing emotional things that don’t serve you and uncluttering your mind isn’t as easy as donating a sweater you never wear…but it’s a key step to finding happiness.
In case you missed it, last month in our We Need To Talk About series, we discussed conquering fears and the truth about inner strength. Erin shares her very personal journey here.
#1) Unproductive Relationships
Let’s rip off the Band-aid, jump right in, and address what’s probably the most difficult of things to release…relationships. Not easy. Even a friendship breakup can be as painful as a divorce. There are many reasons a relationship might not be serving you. Do any of these things consistently show up in your relationships?
- Lack of Connection – Growing apart over time.
- Unfulfilling Bond – Inability to meet each other’s needs.
- One-Sided Investment – One person sacrifices, contributes, and tries while the other doesn’t. There is never an equal investment from both parties in the relationship.
- Betrayal – Someone crossed a line.
- Lack of Respect – You don’t feel seen, heard, or valued.
It’s likely some of these traits show up on a limited basis from time to time in most of our relationships. But, if you know in your heart of hearts that someone in your life is causing more harm than good, it’s likely time to let go. Not to oversimplify things but if a relationship causes you immense stress and anxiety, or more negativity than good feelings, do yourself a favor, and address the issue. Communicate your concern. While it’s bound to be a difficult, maybe even seemingly impossible conversation, is it worse than continuing to feel unhappy, used, or betrayed? Pick you.
#2) Releasing Stress & Anxiety
Easier said than done, right? How? How do you rid yourself of stress and anxiety? For this, we turned to insightful guru and NY Times Best-Selling author, Mel Robbins. She explains, that anxiety is just a message to you that something isn’t making you feel safe. Mel says you need to become your own safety net. Acknowledge the feeling, giving it credit, but also realize you and only you can stop it. Her advice, stop saying you have anxiety but instead that you feel a bit anxious. It’s a feeling, not your identity.
Learn to tolerate it and give yourself the comfort you need. Take a deep breath and let the wave come and go. Feelings of stress and anxiety are not serving you. Understanding that and finding a way out does. So while you can’t just wish it away, you can begin to have power and control over it.
Did you know that one of the top 3 symptoms of menopause is anxiety? If you can’t seem to control your anxiety, it might be time to meet with your health professional. There’s no shame in asking for help!
#3) Let Go Of Regret
Regret is another emotion that’s easy to hang on to. Rehashing a painful or embarrassing experience time and time again is a regret spiral. Maybe you wonder if you should have chosen job A over job B, or you regret a conversation you had with someone that went south. You can’t go back and change the behavior that led to the regret so you think about it, rehashing it over and over in your mind as if by doing so the outcome might be different. Clinical psychologist Ali Mattu suggests a few productive ways to stop the spiral of regret. If something is continuously haunting you, she suggests trying these…
3 Methods To Release Regret
- Say It Out Loud – Sharing your regret with someone takes away the shame. “Shame and regret grow best in silence”, Mattu says. Talking about it can make you feel less alone.
- Change The Channel – We can often learn from our mistakes so don’t deny your feelings. But you can change your focus, minimize the disruption, and distract yourself with kinder gentler words for yourself. You know, the types of words you so freely give to others.
- Find A Silver Lining – Not all negative experiences are all negative. Maybe you learned a lesson (even if it was painful). Make a pros and cons list to see if there was anything beneficial about your regretful experience. Dwell on the pros. Make peace with yourself. Give yourself permission to let it go.
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is not complete.”
~ Jack Kornfield
If you are holding on to something and want to take this very moment to let it go, leave us a comment about it below. It might just be your first step toward acknowledging it’s time for a change. Sometimes it really just takes having a place to start!
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4 thoughts on “We Need To Talk About Release – 3 Things You Need To Kick To The Curb!”
I’m currently holding onto a 20 year friendship that has been over for a while now. This friendship is very one sided. We had our last conversation today. I’m struggling with the idea of letting her know why. I thought about just weaning myself away gradually.
This is never an easy situation… Sending so much light and love your way through the transition, Tina. ~Team Busbee
There’s no shame in asking for help! Let the shame of that, the stigma about that, be a thing to let go!
So true, Pat… Such an important reminder for us all. Thank you for reading! ~Team Busbee